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About J. I didn't come out until I was almost I grew up thinking that being gay was wrong — that being gay meant you fit a stereotype. It meant that you were a pathetic, weak, purse-toting excuse for man. I now know that's not the case. The day I first came out to anyone in February was the most emotional experience of my life. My hands were shaking and voice was cracking. I lived in Florida at the time, and my two best friends — both girls — were at college in different parts of the country and my family was in California. I was scared. I sent my two friends a group text.
They responded with nothing but love and affection. One of them even Face-timed me, and saw me in tears, right next to the guy I was dating at the time. Next up was my mom.
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She was at work, so I sent her a text: "Mom, I have something to tell you I'm gay. She had asked me many times growing up if I was gay, but being afraid of who I was, I never could admit it. My struggle came with growing up in the closet and learning to love myself. I built a wall and never let anyone through. It was really tough at first, leading me to very dark places mentally. Reading coming out stories like the one I am writing — and how people were greeted with love and open arms — was what kept me going. The hardest people to come out to were my fellow military members. I originally enlisted into the most hyper-masculine program possible, the Naval Special Warfare Program.
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I enlisted in to serve a purpose greater than myself. There, instructors and fellow trainees constantly threw homophobic slurs around. I distinctly remember one day when an instructor said, "Oh look at those faggots," and then turned to us saying, "Wait, it's OK to be gay, YOU just can't be gay.
This prolonged my life in the closet and I could not be seen as gay to the rest of my class. I ended up getting injured and washing out of training, at which point I was given a new job in the military and moved to Florida. He had served for six years and two deployments on demanding, secretive missions when his homosexuality was discovered. Jones, a quarter master 2nd class, lost his security clearance.
He was interrogated by a military lawyer who demanded he confess to being gay. He was forbidden to associate with his SEAL teammates unless he was escorted by a Navy master of arms. His closest SEAL buddies supported him. But other SEALs ostracized him. They gossiped about him, ridiculing gays and saying a homosexual SEAL would destroy unit cohesion.
The Navy dropped its investigation after Jones enlisted a national group that advocates for gays in the military, and after members of Congress intervened. But he knew his SEAL career had been irrevocably destroyed, and he decided not to reenlist. He quietly left the Navy in For years afterward, Jones kept quiet. Then he fell in love with White, who had come out to fellow cops at age 25 in nearby Athens, Ala. White proposed on Christmas morning in , presenting Jones with a ring he and Ethan had picked out.
Last December, they drove to Indiana to be married by a court clerk.
White, 37, had lived his own secret, tormented life growing up in Athens, where gays were ridiculed and demonized. His father cracked jokes about homos and fags. Instead, he gave me a hug. Writing the book helped heal the pain of scorn and rejection, but Jones has neither forgotten nor forgiven the Navy. He misses his life in the SEALs. I thrived in it. It was my whole life. Both White and Jones embrace the holy pursuits of Southern males.
Andris Keziks
They have a safe full of guns and a weight room in the garage. They take Ethan shooting, fishing, hiking and camping. Ethan is taking flying lessons.
He wants to be a pilot and an industrial engineer. The family feels comfortable in Huntsville, home to scientists and engineers from across the country who work in defense and aerospace. Dads and son attend a Unitarian-Universalist church there and say they have been warmly welcomed. Jones and White own a private security service in the city. Ethan is convinced he and his dads will be accepted at the Huntsville school.