But both Jim and Steven say that men who end up identifying as bisexual in the long-term are in the minority — most husbands in their groups eventually come to realise they are predominantly attracted to men.
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How is it possible for them to fall in love with a woman but still be attracted to men? I gay or am I bi, what am I? For men who have already married women, that self-acceptance is often tangled shame, betrayal, guilt and dread. A world of gay cruising opened up to him, he realised there were others like him, and that they were everywhere. Over the next year he had several sexual encounters with other men.
He loathed himself for it. He became distracted. It was in one of those fights that he finally ripped off the band-aid and told her. His wife discovered her high school sweetheart was gay. He was her husband, the father of her children. For men, it can be the climax of a long period of turmoil.
Indeed, she never did. The pair kept their family together stayed under the same roof for ten years. Women often find themselves grappling with shock, betrayal, isolation, shame, and anger. For Jim, life out of the closet has been a radical departure. The married father of two suddenly found himself navigating the gay dating world for the first time. Gay friends are often fascinated by his former life.
Decades since coming out, Jim still talks to his wife regularly. For support, call or email info gamma.
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