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- The Gay Man's Guide to Dating After 50
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- Gay dating options for mature guys: nobody's too old to date
The hurdle this time? The gay community's — OK, let's get real, mostly the gay male community's — ageism. Worried you aren't good-looking enough anymore? Who'd want you when there's some year-old hottie turning everyone's heads at the gym?
Don't even let yourself go there. Focus instead on being your best self, no matter what your age. And remember that the most important characteristics — loyalty, humor, intelligence and compassion — are ageless. If you think you're too old for love or you stopped believing that you can find someone to love who'll love you back, think again. Maybe you just stopped believing in the kind of naive love that you can only trust when you're young. But what about the deeper, more mature love that allows for the wide spectrum of experience and truth? That's where you should set your sights.
For every something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there's a something or a , or older-something man back on the market after a relationship ends. One is learning the rules; the other has "been there, dated that" and wonders, "Now what? The truth is that you've earned your age.
You really can own it. Focus on what you've gained — rich experiences, accomplishments, survivor skills and wisdom. Your next romantic partner will benefit from all of that, and from your passions for the life that's in front of you. Give up wishing you could turn back time. Give up trying to be perfect, too, especially if that's a code word for "young.
Instead of trying to be 25 again, get comfortable in your skin. Feel good about your body.
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That way, when someone touches you, they'll really feel you, and not a bundle of self-critical tension. Think more about keeping a sparkle in your eyes and less on fighting the fine lines around them. Does walking into a gay bar make you feel more out of place than Lady Gaga shopping for clothes at a mall? Yes, it's true that the Olympic-sized pool of dating prospects you swam in years ago seems like a lap lane when you reach your 50s. So the best bet is to cast a wider net. Get off of the sideline and get involved in your passions and interests. For example, if you like the outdoors, join a gay hiking or walking group, and meet men while you get fresh air and exercise.
Focus on smaller parties, events centered on hobbies and interests, and volunteer opportunities. And, if you haven't already, try online dating, which is bringing new hope to those of us who don't have a ton of time or want to hang out at bars. Check out sites such as Match.
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Then create a profile that reflects who are you, what you want and includes recent photos. Don't post the online profile of Dorian Gray by showing off your shiny youth. Chat with a guy who isn't your "type" and stretch your boundaries. And so what if he doesn't immediately strike you as hot and sexy?
Now it might be comforting to find a partner who can relate to your experiences and your outlook, and has the same pop culture references you do. It's also a good idea to ask your closest friends for regular feedback yes, ask them to give you input on your actions and choices , so you don't get stuck in your ways. Hey, you don't have to tell me it's tough being gay, single and over It's not like gay subculture has given us lots of happily dating, older gay male role models.
With all the focus on marriage equality these days, it's easy for gay men to think that being single and happy is an oxymoron. There's more focus on getting into a committed relationship than there is on making sure it's the right one. The truth is that sometimes when you want a relationship so badly, you draft the first reasonable candidate.
Or you're miserable because there's no prospect on the horizon.
Neither is a good option. Especially at this stage of life, why would you want a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness? I can think of something far worse than being single, gay and older. Being coupled, gay and unhappy. Dave Singleton works for AARP Publications and has written two books and numerous columns on dating and relationships. You are leaving AARP.
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The Gay Man's Guide to Dating After 50
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Share with linkedin. Share using email. Bette Davis used to say, "Getting older ain't for sissies. Neither is dating at midlife — especially if you're a gay man. These strategies can help you develop your inner explorer to make dating after 50 a little less daunting: 1. Confront your fears You're never too old to find love, but that's not a message gay men hear very often. Embrace your new reality For every something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there's a something or a , or older-something man back on the market after a relationship ends.
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Gay dating options for mature guys: nobody's too old to date
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